You're going to have to forgive not only my straying away from media-related posts but also my shoddy grammar... I've barely proofread this because if I did I wouldn't post it so here we go...
My battle with mental health has been going on for longer than I care to remember. I felt isolated and alone at 11, self-harmed for the first time at 12 and it has been ongoing ever since, I'm 25 now and on Friday I had my 3rd mental breakdown. This resulted in a trip to the hospital and an overwhelming feeling of shame. Shame comes with mental illness, mostly because of the stigma society has attached to it. We're made to feel stupid for struggling and for needing help; because there's always someone worse off right?
The stigma we attach to mental health issues has to change because all it's doing is making those of us that are struggling feel more alone. Suicide claimed the lives of 6,213 people last year in the UK alone and one in four people in the UK experience a mental health issue at some point every year. Mental illness isn't rare and it isn't something we should be ashamed of, it's the same as any other disease or illness and we need to be more open to speaking about it.
I live with depression, anxiety, PTSD and BPD, it's hard and I hate it but I need to learn to not be so ashamed or embarrassed by it. I feel alone all the time, I'm paranoid that my friends don't actually like me, I believe I'm unworthy of love and that everyone would be better off if I wasn't here. Every day is a fight with my own brain and it's exhausting. But I should be able to be open about this in the same way someone who has cancer is open about their fight. I shouldn't feel the embarrassment I'm feeling writing this, I shouldn't feel the embarrassment I felt when I had a police escort to the hospital - apologising to them time and time again for "wasting their time".
I wanted to talk about something else that isn't discussed nearly enough and that is how many members of the LGBT community suffer from mental health issues, it's not a coincidence. We live in a world (yes even in the UK) where we are treated as less than, our basic rights are constantly up for public debate and the bullying... my god the bullying, it's ruthless. My mental health struggles began when I first came to terms with my sexuality and I was outed in my first year of high school. Every single day I was in school was hell, I didn't know where the next comment or sneer was going to come from. I never wanted to be there because I knew what was going to happen and every day something did.
Unfortunately, I'm not the only person this happens too, and whilst society, on the whole, may have gotten better since my high school days kids have gotten meaner and buying in schools is an epidemic. In 2017 it was reported that 52% of LGBT youth have self-harmed and 44% have contemplated suicide, the numbers are staggering and our government and schools need to be doing more to stop this. We also need better mental health services in schools.
I don't want to rant on forever but I needed to write this, keeping everything inside feels like an elephant is sat on my chest. I just want to finish off by saying that if you know someone who is struggling please reach out to them, let them know you are there. Do something with them that they enjoy, make the effort to help them see they're not alone and that people do care about them because it could save their life and you wouldn't even know it. I'm 25, I've had three mental breakdowns and I've attempted suicide three times but I'm also a daughter, sister, auntie and friend. I love music, movies and fighting for what's right. I'm more than my mental illness but my illness is a big part of me and I need to be able to accept that free of shame. Yes, every day is a battle but I want to keep going because my fight is not over yet.
- Sara.
US/Canada resource: https://www.crisistextline.org
Gov LGBT mental health report. https://publichealthmatters.blog.gov.uk/2017/07/06/mental-health-challenges-within-the-lgbt-community/